I have been thinking a lot about silence lately.

The Trip

It started on a trip this summer. It was a big family trip, 11 of us in all. For the first time ever, we did a tour. This was a special trip centered around our kids and it was the kids’ first trip outside of North America. I would absolutely do a tour again…in this situation.

I am an introvert and a caregiver, so any time I travel, I know that I become overstimulated very easily. The kids need extra when we travel. We do not have routine. We are usually together a lot. I need quiet and space even in regular daily life. So I prepare for trips. I have yoga and meditation. I have books to read. I have a plan.

The plan did not work. None of that worked here. I had no energy for yoga, no mental focus for meditation or reading, or even for explaining how I felt. I was overwhelmed. We were constantly moving from one amazing thing to another. I need time to process it all. We were with another family and sometimes even several more. I need time alone. Even in the evening, there were kids to support, and the morning, teens to wake up. On the tour, my worry (aparigraha, or attachment, for my kids) came out when one of them would race forward and the other would lag behind. I was on edge and unsettled.

It was half-way through the trip when I discovered the Sanctuary in the hotel. There were no services, just me, an empty Sanctuary and complete silence and stillness. I instantly felt better. There in the Sanctuary there was no sound, nothing I needed to do and no one that needed me in the moment.

The Silence Retreat

When I came home, I thought a lot about that experience. I was troubled that I couldn’t prepare myself for this. I decided to explore silence. Here is what I learned.

Silence is not just about not talking, or even not listening. The mind, especially the mind of a caregiver, reaches out, sends the senses outward noticing, tracking, caring, and brings back so many sensations that collide with the planning, expecting, anticipating thoughts.

Silence is about listening in reverse. Not reaching out listening, but becoming aware of what lies beneath.

Silence is not about the absence of noise, but the absence of connection to it.

With that absence of connection, comes stillness of thoughts and stillness within.

As usual, the Universe delivered what I needed. A group of yoga teacher training friends and I met up. From that meeting came the idea to do a silence retreat together. I will tell you all about it next month.

In mentally preparing for it, I have tried to explore finding stillness and silence in my day.

These are some moments of silence within or stillness within that I have experienced.

…turning off the radio in the car sometimes.

…finding a feeling of stillness when singing in a service with others

…when I was really having a hard day and the mind was spinning, a really hard yoga practice (this is unusual for me, but it worked this time)

…for me teaching yoga always brings me stillness within.

I know that for some that I know, a crowd brings stillness within. For others, a quiet room with something to draw brings stillness.

What is it for you? Let me know if you want to.

I am looking forward to sharing my silence retreat experience with you next month, in hopes that we all can take something from it into our daily lives.